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SOS


SOS
I’ve lost my breasts!
I’ve had two kids;
They’ve hit the skids.
It wasn’t too bad,
The rack I had.
But growing babies
Breastfeeding like crazy,
Sent them packing:
My bosom is lacking.
Farewell old friends,
I hope it’s not the end
(If we meet again, it will have to be,
Bloody good plastic surgery).

I wasn’t sure where I was going with this one initially. I had the first two lines in my head for a while (whenever I got dressed, clearly), but it never went any further. Then I sat down a couple of days ago and jotted down the poem above and now it’s like a curse. I can’t stop thinking of little add-ins and wondering whether I should tinker with it.

Turns out, how screwed up your body gets after having babies, or actually just ageing in general, is a minefield of material.

I considered:

“I had two kids

And they knicked my tits”

for the beginning but that felt vaguely aggressive and conjured up all sorts of odd images.

My personal favourite “one-from-the-cutting-room-floor” is:

“I’ve had 2 nippers;

I’ve been sewn up like a kipper”

I’ve found this poem therapeutic. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of the week smirking to myself as another little rhyme pops into my head (a sad insight into my world).

So I’m opening it up: I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to hear your rhymes, celebrating your post-motherhood body (or just your body) in all its glory.

“Let’s celebrate our grotty bits

By sharing rhymes about our tits!”

Comment on here, write them on The Brightness Of These Day’s Facebook page, tweet them to me, or comment on the Instagram picture for this poem (links on the home page). Tag them #lovelyladybits

However you do it I want to hear them!

I’ve linked this post up with the #coolmumclub, #Prose4T, #abitofeverything, #SundayStars and #Chucklemums

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34 Comments

  1. Mel Mel

    I’m not best rhymer but I’ve been wanting to discuss this for a while now…..they’ve disappeared, sucked dry, so saggy and don’t even fill a bra now:( I didn’t have massive boobs before but a small perky number that I loved. I didn’t realise this happened. Do they come back? I would never want surgery myself but I’m certainly in mourning.

    • Hmmm I don’t know. Where do we go from here? Judy Blume “I must, I must, I must increase my bust” style exercises? Not keen on surgery either. Would rather spend the money on a spa day. While on holiday. Ahhhhhh X

      • Mel Mel

        Acceptance…….and spa days and holidays.

  2. ooo this is fun. I started one on the way to work today so I’ll try and finish it and tweet you! x

    • I would love that! I think when I’m back at work soon all my poems will be done on my commute! Xx #lovelyladybits

    • Thanks for reading, I’m glad you enjoyed it! X #coolmumclub

      • Loving it. So pleased you came along and we now know you because I love this kind of s***!! x

      • Ha ha, glad to be in good company! Xx

      • PS – a friend has put a great #lovelyladybits rhyme on my Instagram pic but it’s too rude to copy & paste! Check it out! X

  3. Oh, this made me chuckle! I had hoped mine might shrink, sadly they are now back to pre-baby size, albeit rather lower down… 😉 Brilliant! #prose4t

  4. Ah ‘the scoop’! Yes familiar with that action! Thanks for reading. Lucky I don’t write the prompt isn’t it…!

    • Thank you! Yes, I think that’s the case for lots of us! #ABitOfEverything

  5. Michelle Twin Mum Michelle Twin Mum

    I love this, it made me chuckle lots but I’m sad we are both in the same boat and now have no tits left! Mich x

    • Ha ha I’m pleased it did! At least it will be a fun boat! Xx

  6. Great poem!!! Surgery’s definitely the answer or get pregnant again. Mine had totally gone after two ‘nippers’ too but I’m now 32 weeks pregnant with baby number 3 and guess what? They’e back – for now.

    Thank you so much for linking up to #SundayStars xx

    • I’ll have to really miss them to even think about option 2 again so soon! Drastic measures! Glad you’ve got yours back though, there’s hope! Xx #SundayStars

  7. This a great poem. I have to say parenting hasnt drastically reduced my ample bust, although they are not as perky as they once were. Im not sure what rhymes with stretchmarks or belly!!
    Thanks for linjing up, Tracey xx #abitofeverything

  8. I love this tongue-in-cheek reflection about how our boobs may head south into saggyville through age and/or feeding our babies. And how true it is! 😉 #prose4t

    • thebrightnessofthesedays thebrightnessofthesedays

      I love your musings! The breastfeeding ones are fantastic, so powerful. Are you still writing? Xx

      • Laura Laura

        Aww, thank you! Yep still writing, bit of a publishing backlog at the mo, will be publishing in a week or so hopefully xx

      • thebrightnessofthesedays thebrightnessofthesedays

        Great, looking forward to reading! Xx

  9. I waved goodbye to perky boobs, sex is only ok with lube, body covered in stripes but despite all these gripes, my life is a joy because of my baby boy!

    Pretty dodgy but the best I could do with 2 minutes to spare! Loved this, the kipper line made me laugh out loud! #chucklemums

    • thebrightnessofthesedays thebrightnessofthesedays

      Hahahahahaha, I laughed at this SO MUCH today! Amazing! Thanks for joining in #chucklemums

  10. You and me both. Ah, boobs. Why did you abandon me? I thought we were friends.
    Thanks for linking to #chucklemums 🙂

    • thebrightnessofthesedays thebrightnessofthesedays

      Fickle aren’t they? Thanks for hosting, fab linky #chucklemums

  11. My boobs they used to sit high, but now swing sadly by my sides,
    These boobs that once got attention, now rarely get a damn mention,
    And missionary it has to be as on top …
    …. well quite frankly tennis ball in a sock!

    Oh so funny – i’m sat here coming up with all kinds of rhymes and I am crap at poetry but I know I’m going to be thinking up little one liners all day! Inspired lovely . A fantastic read!! #Chucklemums

    • thebrightnessofthesedays thebrightnessofthesedays

      I absolutely love this! Genius!! Thanks for joining in! xx

  12. Mine have also disappeared, and there wasn’t much there in the first place. In fact, I don’t even wear a proper bra anymore, just a padded sports bra thing from Sainsbury’s! Oh how naive I was to hope that having babies and breastfeeding might gain me some boobage! #Chucklemums

    • thebrightnessofthesedays thebrightnessofthesedays

      Well it does for a while, then you’re worse off than you were before! Thanks for reading x #chucklemums

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