I’ve lost my breasts!
I’ve had two kids;
They’ve hit the skids.
It wasn’t too bad,
The rack I had.
But growing babies
Breastfeeding like crazy,
Sent them packing:
My bosom is lacking.
Farewell old friends,
I hope it’s not the end
(If we meet again, it will have to be,
Bloody good plastic surgery).
I wasn’t sure where I was going with this one initially. I had the first two lines in my head for a while (whenever I got dressed, clearly), but it never went any further. Then I sat down a couple of days ago and jotted down the poem above and now it’s like a curse. I can’t stop thinking of little add-ins and wondering whether I should tinker with it.
Turns out, how screwed up your body gets after having babies, or actually just ageing in general, is a minefield of material.
“I had two kids
And they knicked my tits”
for the beginning but that felt vaguely aggressive and conjured up all sorts of odd images.
My personal favourite “one-from-the-cutting-room-floor” is:
“I’ve had 2 nippers;
I’ve been sewn up like a kipper”
I’ve found this poem therapeutic. In fact, I’ve spent a lot of the week smirking to myself as another little rhyme pops into my head (a sad insight into my world).
So I’m opening it up: I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to hear your rhymes, celebrating your post-motherhood body (or just your body) in all its glory.
“Let’s celebrate our grotty bits
By sharing rhymes about our tits!”
Comment on here, write them on The Brightness Of These Day’s Facebook page, tweet them to me, or comment on the Instagram picture for this poem (links on the home page). Tag them #lovelyladybits
However you do it I want to hear them!
I’ve linked this post up with the #coolmumclub, #Prose4T, #abitofeverything, #SundayStars and #Chucklemums