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Potty Training

Potty Training.

Two words which are enough to strike fear in even the most laid-back of parents’ hearts.

On the trauma scale it’s definitely up there with bath-time and taking them on holiday.

I can’t offer you any tips beyond the universal parenting truth of: “wait until they’re ready” (never are the consequences of ignoring this one greater – and I mean this at a very base level – than the days of potty training).

Oh and chocolate. That works. Amazing what can be achieved (squeezed out) when a few smarties are on the table.

As ever though, I can offer you a little poem, to remind you that you’re not in this alone!

Please feel free to substitute your personal favourite swear words in this one and substitute “wee” for words of more effect (i.e. more swear words). That’s how I read it in my head.

Best read with a glass of wine once your kids are in bed and the floor has been mopped. Again.

Potty Training (argh….)

If anyone else

Weed on the floor

There’d be expletives galore:

P!$% OFF!

I would roar,

As I showed them the door.

But I can’t turn the air blue

When my darling, it’s you

And I know that

You’re doing your best.

It’s another bloody Parenthood Test;

To try not to swear,

When there’s wee everywhere!


I exchange looks with your Dad.

We mutter, “this is bad”,

Under our breath

As we exit the room,

For a mop or a broom

(Because while we’re not looking

Your brother’s been cooking

Up a plan of his own:

There’s toilet paper strewn

About your potty throne).


With hands on our heads

We wait until you’re in bed

So that we can say

“F&*%, that was a bad day!”

Along with the warning:

“We’ve got to do it all again in the morning!”


£&$! *$&% @£^! *&$^ ?*£$%

Ok, it wasn’t quite this bad, but it’s not much fun is it, for anyone?!

If you do have any decent tips, please leave them below!

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  1. Oh god, guess what I was planning to start this weekend?
    I’ll make sure I get the wine in first…

    Thanks for linking up with #chucklemums

    • thebrightnessofthesedays thebrightnessofthesedays

      argh good luck! Some days there is not enough wine in the world… could be good blog material in it though! Every cloud and all that. Thanks for hosting! #chucklemums

  2. O.M.G. Absolutely brilliant! LOVED it! You had me at your first line. How I hated those potty training days. #chucklemums

    • thebrightnessofthesedays thebrightnessofthesedays

      Thank you! Sounds like you are at a safe distance! Is it not as bad when it’s a faded memory?!

  3. brilliant, perfect tales of potty training. we are thinking of starting…scary stuff! thanks for sharing #chucklemums

    • thebrightnessofthesedays thebrightnessofthesedays

      Oh good luck! Brace yourselves!! #chucklemums

  4. […] It’s been bothering me for a while; I see so many other blog posts and instagram tiles and Facebook photos etc etc of other mums celebrating bath-time and how great it is, but for me it is the part of my day that fills me with dread. It’s up there with potty-training. […]

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